Funny Joke of the Day for Work
There are certain things dads do better than most.
To start, they have grilling down to a science. Perfectly cooked burgers? Medium-rare steak? Hot dog, hold the mustard? Check, check and check!
Then there's their unique ability to fix just about anything, ranging from leaky drains to broken bikes and everything in between. But perhaps, their most impressive skill is that they always have a dad joke at the ready (whether you like it or not).
From corny puns to cheesy knock-knock jokes, dads have an endless supply of wholesome one-liners guaranteed to make you cringe and chuckle at the same time. Even if you already know the answer to why the chicken crossed the road, he is sure to remind you again and again — usually while imposing a "Dad Tax" on your favorite snack.
Let's make one thing clear: Dad jokes aren't just for dads. So, if you're looking for some new material beyond your favorite Christmas, Valentine's Day, Father's Day and other holiday-centric laughs, browse through this list of the best dad jokes — some groan-worthy classics, others he's probably never heard before. Let the awkward laughs and eye rolls commence.
Funny dad jokes for all ages
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What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
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What invention allows us to see through walls? Windows.
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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
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Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
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Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
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What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.
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Why can't the sailor learn the alphabet? Because he kept getting lost at C.
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What do you call a cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
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How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans.
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What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
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Why did the boy bring a ladder on the bus? He wanted to go to high school.
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one.
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Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggy.
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How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
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What's more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
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What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
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Why shouldn't you trust trees? They seem shady.
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How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
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What kind of music scares balloons? Pop music.
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Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice.
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Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.
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How do you get an astronaut's baby to stop crying? You rocket.
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What do dogs and phones have in common? Both have collar ID.
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Why don't they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
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What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe.
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How do you stop a bull from charging? You cancel its credit card.
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Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
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Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools.
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Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn't putting in enough shifts.
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Did you hear about the man who cut off his left leg? He's all right now.
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Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
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What kind of music should you listen to while fishing? Something catchy!
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What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.
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What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved.
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What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
Pun-based dad jokes for all ages
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A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
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Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That's just how eye roll.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.
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Where does a sheep go to get a haircut? The baa baa shop.
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What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It's pasture bed time.
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Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it's pointless.
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.
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Where did the cat go after losing its tail? The retail store.
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Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
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What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.
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What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill? A lambslide.
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How do you organize a space party? You planet.
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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
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What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater.
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What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose.
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Why did the ram run over the cliff? He didn't see the ewe turn.
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Why did the picture go to jail? He was framed.
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What is a calendar's favorite food? Dates.
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Why was the football stadium cold? There were too many fans.
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Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.
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Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs.
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Why did the watch go on vacation? To unwind.
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How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
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Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
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Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.
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What did the blanket say to the bed? I've got you covered.
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What did the roof say to the shingle? The first one's on the house.
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What do you call birds that stick together? Velcrows
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What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
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Why did the duck fall on the sidewalk? He tripped on a quack.
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How do birds learn to fly? They wing it.
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Did you hear about the walnut and cashew that threw a party? It was nuts.
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Did the hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.
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What kind of bird works on a construction site? A crane.
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What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something.
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What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty.
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What type of music do the planets enjoy? Neptunes.
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Why did the phone wear glasses? Because it lost all its contacts.
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Why do bakers work so hard? Because they knead dough.
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Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own set of scales.
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What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
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What do you give a scientist with bad breath? Experi-mints.
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What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity? Nothing. He was too shocked.
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What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.
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What did one hat say to the other? You go on ahead.
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Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.
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What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.
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How can you tell the difference between a dog and tree? By their bark.
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Why do dragons sleep during the day? Because they like to fight knights.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was outstanding in its field.
Best dad jokes for kids
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What's brown and sticky? A stick.
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How does the rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
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What do you call a shoe made out of a banana? A slipper.
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How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
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Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock.
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Can February March? No, but April May!
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What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
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Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
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Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.
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What's a scarecrow's favorite fruit? Straw-berries
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Where do burgers go dancing? At the meatball.
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What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.
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Why was the broom late? It over-swept.
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What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
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Where do books hide when they're afraid? Under their covers.
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How do trees get on the internet? They log in.
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What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
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What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.
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What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
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What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
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What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.
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How did the farmer fix his torn overalls? With a cabbage patch.
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How much money does a skunk have? Just one scent.
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks.
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What do you call recently-married spiders? Newly-webs.
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Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado.
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What do you get when you cross a Smurf and a cow? Blue cheese.
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What happens when ice cream gets angry? It has a meltdown.
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What do you call a locomotive carrying bubble gum? A chew chew train.
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How do you get a mouse to smile? Say "cheese."
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Why couldn't the bike stand up on its own? It was too tired.
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What do you call a sheep that knows karate? A lamb chop.
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Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his nose.
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What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot.
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How do you know when a bike is thinking? You can see its wheels turning.
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What does a librarian use to go fishing? A bookworm.
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What did one leaf say to the other? I'm falling for you.
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Where's the one place you should never take your dog? A flea market.
Best dad jokes for adults
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Dogs can't operate MRI machines — but cats-can.
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If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
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I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I'll have a grape.
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Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
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It was an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers.
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Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.
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Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
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What do lawyers wear to work? Law suits.
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Why was the traffic light late to work? It took too long to change.
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Why do hamburgers go south for the winter? So they don't freeze their buns.
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Why didn't the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.
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What do you call someone who can't stick to a diet? A desserter.
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Why did the little strawberry cry? His mom was in a jam.
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Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
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What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
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Why did the whale blush? It saw the ocean's bottom.
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Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.
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I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
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Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
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I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn't find any.
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Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
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I haven't talked to my wife in a week — I didn't want to interrupt her.
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Why are pigs bad drivers? They hog the road.
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Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
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What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
Source: https://news.yahoo.com/125-funny-dad-jokes-thatll-192929362.html
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